My life has been completely turned upside down.
On Friday, Andrew watched “The Puberty Videos” at school.
Oh LORD.
It’s been non stop puberty, balls, hairy balls, boobs, penis, etc talk ever since.
And the questions!
Night before last this was the question.
“Mom, do I have to put deodorant on my nuts, since they’re growing hair on them?”
Then there’s the discussion with other family members.
The other day my mom asked the boys what they wanted to talk about. Ethan put his hand on his chin, as if he was thinking and he said “I know, Gramma, let’s talk about pooberty”
My mom asked him what “pooberty” was.
“You know, grandma, it’s about penises!”
Andrew, the puberty expert interjected.
“You’ve got it all wrong, Ethan, puberty starts with BO!” Then added “And speaking of BO, mines starting to kick in, Gramma.”

My mom was mortified and dying of laughter all at the same time. Mortified because she still hasn’t had the puberty talk with me, we never talked about that stuff. Infact, I got in trouble when I started my period because I KNEW WHAT A PERIOD WAS. No lie. I promised myself I’d always be open with my kids about it because of how my parents were, but I never expected it would be this akward and uncomfortable for me.
I’m thinking of running away for a few weeks until this all blows over. I think Tony can handle it.

“You guys are cheating like STUPID HEADS!
-Ethan
I am so looking forward to the day a situation comes up that I can use that quote.

Ethan caught a cricket the other night. His dad let him keep it, but told him he had to set it free in 3 days.
Well, that’s not going to happen. Ethan now thinks the cricket is his pet. He says he’s part of our family now. The kid walks around with the plastic container, talking to him.
“Jibbity (which is what he named him), I love you! Jibbity, we all love you.”
He takes him to school, to my moms house while I’m at work and sets him by his bed at night.
He told me he’s going to take Jibbity to the movies when my mom takes them this weekend. I told him Grandma’s not going to like that. His response?
“Mom, Grandma already told me Jibbity could come, that’s her GRANDCRICKET and she said she’s not leaving any of her grandkids behind.”
The kid is just like me in the sense that he gets attached to things easily. He loves with all of his heart and isn’t afraid to show it. Of course, he gets his heart broken easily the same way I do, (like when his bunny died) but I’m so glad I have a son that loves with all of his little heart.

I never curse around or at my children.
However, the older Andrew gets, the more I get tempted to use certain words because of the attitude he gives me. So tonight I was fed up and I said “quit being a smart ass, Andrew.”
Ethan was mortified. He got up out of his chair and said “oohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Mom, you just said A-S-S. You’re not supposed to say bad words!” Then, came The Threat.
“Just wait until Retro Bill comes back to my school and I tell him about this. Retro Bill is not going to be happy about this, he said people who use bad words aren’t cool, ohhhhhhhh you’re so busted!”
He’s totally serious and completely pissed off. He’s going to tell Retro Bill that I said A-S-S.
Who is this Retro Bill person, and where did he come from?

My kids talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk…
They never stop talking. Ever. They talk from the second they wake up until the time I have to threaten them with awful things to get them to go to sleep.
They talk even if they have nothing to say. They’ll say say random words.
“fart”
“butt”
“boobies”
“crap”
“poop”
“penis”
They never shut up.
Ever.
If they aren’t saying words, they’re making sound affects.
Guns sounds.
Animal sounds.
Fart sounds.
Oh, and then there’s beat boxing.
Lord.Have.Mercy.On.Me.Please.