let it be known. i have no shame. i pee while on the phone, i burp loudly, i pick my seat. i also pee with the door open and this irritates the hell out of my husband. today, as i was taking leak with the door wide open, i wondered to myself “how did i get this way?” i wasn’t always this way. then it hit me, it’s because i gave birth. once you give birth, you really don’t give a crap about things like “peeing with the door open” because nothing is as degrading as giving birth. you’re laying there with your legs spread wide open with a room full of strangers looking on, touching you in all of the places that only your spouse should touch you.

i remember when i went for my 6 week check up after having my first son. i brought my six week old baby with me, so i knew it was going to be great fun! the nurse called me into the room, told me to get naked and put on the gown. i did what she said and laid on the table. immediately, my baby started to cry. SHIT. anyone who’s breastfed knows what happens when the baby starts crying. milk starts “flowing” but more like “squirting”. so, i’m laying there on the table with nothing but a gown on and the milk starts squirting out and dripping down my sides. i’m mortified and embarrassed that this is happening. i pulled the gown off, pick andrew up, laid on my side so he can start sucking away. now, the milk is SQUIRTING out of the other boob. tittymilk in the air! on my face! on the floor! the doctor walked in and i was like “hello, doctor, nice to meet you!” awwwwkward. she doesn’t say a word, spreads the legs wide open and starts checking me “down there”. there i lay, a hand all up in my lady business, a baby on one tit, the other one squirting tittymilk all over the damn room. . KILL ME NOW! dignity “officially” stripped.
now you tell me, after an experience like that, why in the HELL would i care if my husband walks by and sees me taking a leak