I hate spending money on underwear. Especially bras. If you ask me, it’s a waste of money. Sure, it’s something we need, but I don’t get off on going to Victoria Secrets (and spending ungodly amounts of money) to buy panties and bras like most women I know.. I have a few pair of pretty, sexy ones, but I totally admit I prefer the ol’ cotton granny panties/bikini cut hanes to the fancy shit. I think the last time I bought my underwear, it was a 10 pack at Costco for like $9.99. That’s right folks, $1 panty. just the way I like it.

I have a confession…

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Why do people feel so free to use words like “Nipple” and “moist” and “pimple” in conversations? I don’t like those words. Those words make my skin crawl. Those words make me feel like a scared little girl. Those words make me feel as though I need a violation shower. Especially when it’s someone I hardly know. I would never say “nipple” to a stranger. Ever. What the hell is wrong with people?

I ran into my friend while out and about. This friend just had a hysterectomy. I was asking her how she was feeling and she went into detail about the changes her body is experiencing. I was ok with what she was saying until she blurted this out.
“My sex life is non existent because I can’t get wet.”
I didn’t react, so she thought perhaps she needed to clarify. She leaned in and semi-whispered…
“I can’t get moist, I lack moisture.”
I think she may have ruined our friendship because I do not know how I’m ever going to be able to look her in the eye again.

My friends and family are always telling me that I talk too much. My husband tells me I talk too much. Today, Melly told me I talk too much, but not in the way most people do, which is “OK! Shutup.” She said very gently, while making a motion with her hands, “yap, yap, yap, yap… and you say Andrew talks too much, he gets it from you!”
I didn’t get too dramatic in my reaction. I simply said “Fine, I won’t talk anymore”, held back the tears and didn’t answer any of her questions for 5 minutes.
I think I’m over it now, I’m talking again.

I wonder what it means when you continue to sit on the toilet (even though you have finished your “business”) until you are finished singing “Silent Night” in it’s entirety, in the month of February.

I hate when people start off a sentence with “I don’t mean to be rude, but“….

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I decided that I’m going to go ahead and give myself another pedicure.
Even though the last time I did it, I cut my feet to shreds and it took me days to heal. Even though I almost needed a blood transfusion from the blood loss that occured when I cut a chunk of my big toe, my middle toe and the little toe off, on both feet, and I had scabs for weeks. Even though Tony made me swear I would have a professional do it next time. Even though my foot spa is up in the rafters in the garage and I have to GET ON A LADDER to get it…
Wish me luck.

Surely, I can not be the only one who feels totally comfortable and believes it is completely acceptable to go to Starbucks in their pajamas?

I have just spent the last 5 1/2 hours with 60 or more annoying, screaming, crying, smelly, rude, loud, FIRST GRADERS. One of those hours were on a bus.
This is not the way a pregnant, very sick woman should spend her day, I do not recommend it. At all.
I am now on my way to see my doctor. I need him to check my blood pressure as I am completely convinced it is dangerously high.
And I totally blame the FIRST GRADERS!!!