Please, if you pray, pray for me right now.
I’ve been having cramps for the past few hours. And now there is slight bleeding.
It’s very little, but now I’m scared. This happened to me when I was first pregnant with Andrew, and everything was fine, but I’m still shaking and worried.
I’m going to go put my feet up and lay down. Again.
God, I just wish this day would be over with already.

I wonder if you know that every morning I wake up with a smile on my face because I know you are growing inside of me.
Do you know that everytime I close my eyes I imagine what you will look like when I finally am able to see your precious face?
Do you know that even though some people don’t even believe you’re a life yet, I already know you’re the most amazing little person, one who will bring joy, laughter and love into so many people’s lives?
My sweet little angel, I’m sure people think I’m crazy because I already tell you I love you every time I touch my belly, but I don’t care because they don’t understand the immense love I already have inside of my heart for you.
I wonder if you heard me this morning when I cried happy tears for the first time and I thanked God for giving me another chance to be a mommy, for blessing me with another child to love.
I hope you know that I already think the world of you.
But mostly, I hope you know that I love you more than I ever imagined I could love another baby, and I can’t wait for the months to pass so I can finally see you, smell you, kiss you and hold you close to heart.
Always,
Your mommy.

I have the best friends.
Seriously.
First of all thank you to everyone who has offered to help fix my site. I appreciate it very much.
Sphinxy, I love you!! She has been putting up with my frantic, ignorant cries for help. I don’t know what I’d do without her.
And I have to thank my really hot friend who worked all night and all day to figure out how to get this fucking site running for now, Ma’nizzle, Michael!!! I am tempted to post all of the pictures I have of him, just so all of the ladies can drool at his hotness and I can say “yeah, he’s my friend, aren’t you jealous?” But I won’t, he might hate me.
Actually, knowing him, he’d love the attention.
But I still won’t do it, even though I’m very tempted.
God, how I’ve missed being able to post here, but thanks to Mac and Melly I was able to get my blogging fix while my site was down.
So much has change since I last posted here.
I am now carrying my third child. I still can’t believe it. I still can’t believe I’m going to have a little baby to love in about 8 months. It’s still very overwhelming, but with each day, it feels more and more “right”. I’m beginning to fall in love hard with this precious little baby forming inside of me, although I’m not so in love with the sickness that comes with it.
The excitement of everyone around me is contatious too. I can’t begin to express how happy everyone is to hear that I’m pregnant. It took me a little by surprise. I thought there would be a lot of people who expressed concern after all I’ve been through, but not one. Not even my mother. In fact, when I first told her, I was hysterical and I said “I can’t have a baby, mom, I’m crazy!” She paused and said “y, quit talking like that, you’re not crazy. You’re NOT! Infact, I believe this is God’s way of reassuring you that he loves you, that he doesn’t think you’re crazy and that he trusts you to raise and love another child.”
I believe her. I believe everything is going to be ok and that this baby is meant to be and that it will enrich our lives more than we can even imagine.
Now, we’re off to feed my pregnant ass some dinner.

This morning on the way to school, Andrew says, all non chalantly, “Mom, we have to do a book report tonight.”
There are several things wrong with that statement.
The first one would be the use of the word “we”. It is not my book report, for I am not the one in 5th grade.
The second would be, he’s telling me THE NIGHT BEFORE the report is due. They are given at least a months notice before a report is due and he tells me the night before.
“Have you even read a book?” I asked.
“uh, no?” he replied.
At this point in the conversation, I had to close my mouth and count to 40 in my head in order to fight the temptation to throw the car in park right in the middle of the street and go all “mommy dearest” on him.
While counting to 40, I realised that Andrew is just like me when I was in school. I did that every freakin time a report was due, and my mother would always save me. She’d stay up all night, typing a report for me, even if I hadn’t read that book.
Too bad for Andrew I’m nothing like my mom.
I think that she hurt me by doing that, as much as she thought she was helping. I never learned the consequences of not following through with something and because of that I tend to be quite irresponsible. Just ask the bill collectors.
In the past, I have rescued Andrew and pretty much did the reports for him the night before, but not this time. This time, he’s going to have to tell his teacher he fucked up, only instead of saying “teacher, I fucked up” he’ll say “I was irresponsible and I don’t have a report to turn in” and he’ll have to take whatever consequences come along with it.
He has to learn, he can’t continue to do this.
I don’t even want to think about what it’s going to be like when he’s in High School.
I better not be pregnant!!

I know all of these “tests” are annoying, I apologize. There are people trying to figure out what the problem is with my blog and fix it, that’s what the “tests” are all about. I have to say, I liked it much better when Sphinxy was conducting the tests. Hopefully it will be fixed soon, so I can start posting really important things again.
Speaking of really important things, I can’t stop thinking of the possibility that I might actually be “with child”**
What will I do? As much as I’d love to have another precious baby to call my own, it’s just not the right time. We’re supposed to be done having children. Our life is set, you know? We have 2 incredible boys, whom we already love with all of our hearts and totally complete our life. Besides that, Tony and I are no spring chickens, infact, we both have gray hair (granted, I only have two and his head is covered with them).
I could list 100 reasons why having a baby would be so wrong for us right now.
Then I could tell you one reason why it would be so right.
Because it would be our child, who, inspite of all the reasons why it would be inconvienient at this time, would bring an overwhelming joy into our lives and who we would love just as much as we love Andrew, Ethan and each other.
But I still hope to God I’m not and that I’m just late.
We shall soon find out.
**Please bear with me as I overuse the “quote” picture. I find it highly funny and it gives me much pleasure to use it at every chance I get. I will eventually get tired of it and won’t find it funny anymore, but until then, I will probably use it in every post that it would apply to. Feel free to not laugh, roll your eyes or scream at your computer “OK, we get it, it’s not funny anymore, y.” **

Melly asked me why I haven’t posted.
The answer is because it pisses me off so bad that my blog is broken, that we can’t figure out the problem and that my server isn’t answering my emails regarding the problem. So I’m just staying away from it to avoid the frustration.
Also, I’m sick. I hurt everywhere and all I want to do is sleep, so I really have nothing to say anyway.
Oh, yes I do, I have one thing to say.
I still haven’t started.
I will be buying another test tonight.
Oh, and one more thing.
I think I’ve turned into a loner. That or no one loves me anymore. Either way, it’s getting kind of lonely over here.
Eh, whatever, I need to go back to bed.

My boobs hurt.
I’m tired.
I’m naseous.
I gag everytime I brush my teeth.
Oh… and I’m late.
And scared. Very scared.