My Mom called me last weekend to tell me that my Grandpa is not doing well. He’s swollen, filled with fluid due to a weak heart. The doctor told him that he doesn’t have much time left and that he’ll most likely die in his sleep. This isn’t the first time I’ve been told he’s very sick and it’s not the first time I’ve tried to mentally prepare for his death. But each time, he’s managed to pull through and keep on ticking. This time though… This time just seems different.
He can’t see anymore and he can’t move around much (except to go to the bathroom and to doctor’s visits). He told me that he sits in his chair all day and thinks about me and all of the memories we’ve had.
“I have such good memories of you, Y.” He said. “I sit here all day and I think about you and all the times we’ve had. I have had a good life, I have a good family.”
I tried to respond to tell him all of the ways that he’s impacted my life and how I couldn’t have survived my teenagers years without him but as I went to say the words, I could feel the lump in my throat and the tears welling up in my eyes. I took a deep breath, fought back the tears and instead of telling him everything that he means to me, I simply told him that I have wonderful memories too and that I love him.
My heart breaks when I think of living in a world in which he no longer exists. And at the same time, my heart breaks when I think of him sitting in that chair all day long, unable to get around, unable to see, laboring for every breath.
I think of him sitting in that chair thinking of me and I break down and weep.
Oh, Sweet Opa, how I love him and how incredibly blessed I’ve been to have him in my life for as long as I have.
Sometimes I Feel Like I Don’t Have a Thyroid. (Trust me, that will be HILARIOUS after you watch the video.)
My Endocrinologist is totally pissed at The Internet.
You see, I’ve been emailing him asking for tests that my incredibly awesome readers have suggested that I should have done. Here is his response to my suggestion he test me for “adrenal Fatigue.”
There really is not true medical condition called adrenal fatigue, although this is a term that one can find on the internet. The true condition is called adrenal insufficiency.
And by “one” he meant “Me.” and by that entire sentence he meant “stop googling shit and bugging me with your questions, woman.”
Six months ago that kind of “tone” from my doctor would have intimated me. In fact, I used to be terrified to open emails from my doctor. “What if he’s pissed at me for asking him that question?”
Fuck that noise.
If I hadn’t questioned my doctor, I would still be undiagnosed because when I told him I wanted my thyroid tested, he told me I just “needed to eat less and work out more and oh! By the way, maybe I should consider joining weight watchers!”
The good news is that in spite of his annoyance with me (and my ability to get advice from the Internet) he has ordered whichever test it is that I need for adrenal insufficiency and has also ordered B12 shots. I’m waiting to hear back from him regarding testing for PCOS.
THANK YOU for helping me through this difficult and frustrating ordeal. You have no idea how much I appreciate you.
In completely non thyroid related news, I am going to post another video. (I know and I’m sorry.) If you’ve ever said to yourself. “I wonder what the Y Family does for fun in the evenings?!” (which, let’s be honest, you’ve NEVER ONCE wondered that.)
Wonder no more!
(Things you must know before you watch: a) It’s poor quality because I am a jackass who can’t keep the recorder still b) I CAN’T SING, no hate mail necessary, I already know. c) No, I still haven’t hung pretty things on the walls. We’ve “only” been here 7 months, cut me some slack. d) my kids are awesome.)
More like “HashiLoco”
After my endo increased my meds this last time, I started to feel better. I had energy and even went a little crazy and cleaned my house! Then, I crashed. Started feeling tired again, mentally slow and all that jazz. So, last week I sent my endo an email saying something like “I can’t wait another month to get re-tested. I am feeling extremely tired again and I’ve not had a period in almost 2 months. Can you please re-test me NOW?”
He immediately changed the dates for the tests and I went yesterday to have them done. I was SURE that my levels were going to be out of whack based on the way that I feel and I was sure he’d have to increase my medication.
I was wrong.
TSH? Lowest it’s been in.. well, ever. (1.34)
Free T4? Completely normal (.91)
T3? (.99)
Every single number has drastically improved from when I was first diagnosed so why in the hell am I still feeling so tired? Why am I not having periods?
I’m beginning to think it’s all in my head.
The numbers don’t lie, do they?
Or do they?
I don’t know, honestly and I feel like I’m going crazy. The Bad Crazy.
I’ve made an appointment with a gynecologist to try to figure out what’s going on all up in my uterus (I assumed it was “low thyroid” because when I was low, I was skipping periods, but since that’s not it, WHAT IS IT? And NO, I am not pregnant.) I also made an appointment to ask to be tested to find out if I am “insulin resistant.”
I have been researching like crazy, but the more I read, the more confused I become. One thing is clear though– MY LEVELS ARE NORMAL NOW.
So what gives? It really must be “all in my head.” Because, I don’t know what else it could be at this point and I’m really tired of trying to figure it out.
I can’t even begin to type how frustrated/depressed I feel about this whole “my health” thing, but let me assure you if I did type it out it would be ALL CAPS AND FUCKS AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t know where to go from here and that’s why I’m writing here on my blog– because I know that so many of you who read here have gone through this (and are going through it now) and am hoping you can offer me some kind of advice. Have you had “normal levels” and still felt hypo symptoms? If so, what did you do about it? I’m feeling pretty damn desperate right about now.
Dear Every Single Person Who Left a Comment on That Last (Not A) Post
I love you more than the typed word could ever express. And because I love you, I think you need to know that my thyroid is NOT deleting my posts, nor did my thyroid EAT ME. (ha ha hahaa)
What happened was….
I had planned on writing a post about Thyroids, but only got as far as the title. Apparently, I accidentally hit publish just before I shut down the computer to leave with The Daughter for our Monday of Fun-day. So, imagine my surprise when I got home and saw over 30 comments on a post that I NEVER ACTUALLY WROTE. And my God, they were hilarious and pretty much made my day.
Now that I know you care about Thyroids I will post what I had originally planned on posting sometime tomorrow. I just felt like I owed you an explanation and also a THANK YOU for making me feel like less of a jackass for publishing a TITLE.
OH, the Thyroid Humor. It kills me.
This is a post about thyroids so unless you care about thyroids, you probably want to go ahead and skip this.
Dueling Shameful Fitness Purchases!!
Last week I was talking on the phone with Jenny about the Nintendo Wii Fit. Naturally, the conversation turned to “embarrassing fitness purchases.”
One would think that having purchased TWO products by Richards Simmons– “Sweating to the Oldies” (with the Order in the Next 5 Minutes Bonus: RESISTANCE BANDS!) AND “Deal a Meal”– was as bad as it gets, but one would be wrong in thinking that.
I was all “Dude… I once bought a BodyBlade.” And then I sent her the link to an old post I had written about it.
Originally posted 4.24.04
I am always looking for the easy way out of things. I’m not proud of it, but it’s the damn truth. This character flaw of mine makes me a total sucker for infomercial products.
Imagine my excitement when I heard these words late one night while feeling sad about having gained weight WHILE eating chips and dip.
“Get The Body You’ve Always Wanted In Just 6 Minutes Of daily Workout!”
I put down the chips and dip, got out a pen and paper and grabbed the cordless phone.
I saw the device.
“This can’t be for real.” I thought. “That looks wayyyyy too easy. It can’t be true!” I continued to watch. They showed this hot chick with this piece of rubber in her hand, bouncing it up and down. It was working every muscle in her body. They even went into sssssllllooowww mmmmootttttiioooonnn so you could see how every muscle was being worked!
“I CAN DO THAT! I MUST HAVE THAT!”
I ordered it for the great price of JUST $100! (Or! Just 5 payments of $19.99! Plus tax and shipping!)
That’s right, a hundred bucks, but hey! Look at that chick! a body like that is worth $100.00 and in only SIX MINUTES A DAY.
I got it a few days later and opened the box up, all excited because in just SIX MINUTES A DAY for the next few weeks, I was going to look like THIS!
When the package arrived, I opened the box full of hope. All I had to do was flap that thing up and down–side to side and I would have the body of my dreams! But then, I actually held that piece of rubber in my hands and attempted to do it just like the hot chicks and the buff dudes in the commercial.
Um…that shit was hard. And not hard in the way that a good workout should be. It wasn’t as simple and moving that piece of rubber back and forth, there were actual things involved that required a bit of skill. Things like “rhythm” and “not feeling like an asshole while working up to said rhythm because ha ha, am I really holding a giant piece of rubber in my hands in the hopes of looking look like this?”
I would alternate between fits of laughter (HAHAHAHA LOOK AT ME TRYING TO SHAKE A GIANT RUBBER STICK!), shame (I’M WORKING OUT WITH A GIANT RUBBER STICK.) and anger (DID I REALLY JUST SPENT ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS ON THIS GIANT RUBBER STICK?)
Needless to say, it didn’t work and that box is collecting dust in the garage along with my hopes and dreams of perfectly chiseled abs in just six minutes a day!!!
We laughed and laughed, but then she was all “Duuuuuuude. I’ve got you beat. I once bought The iGallop!”
I had no idea what the iGallop was, so she sent me a link to a video on YouTube.
Did you watch? Are you weeping with laughter? For a minute, I thought she was right and she really was The Winner in the contest of bad fitness purchases, but then I looked up “body blade” and I don’t know, man, I think it’s a tie.
Can you do the “Reverse Warrior” with the iGallop? I DON’T THINK THAT YOU CAN.
(Ok. I’ll concede. She totally wins. The only person who could ever beat her is the person who actually paid money for the Oxycise videos.)
I took quite a bit of abuse at the hands of friends and family for purchasing the Body Blade. It was the butt of many jokes at holiday dinners and birthday parties.
“Hey, Y– how are those workouts coming along? I thought you’d be cut by now?”
“Hey, Y– you should give me $100 to beat you with that thing for wasting money on it!”
I got even one Christmas when we had one of those “White Elephant” gift exchange at my in-laws house. I wrapped it up all nice and pretty and dropped just enough hints to make the men think it was a fishing pole. Everyone one of the men got a number, they would take away the box that they THOUGHT contained a fishing pole in it away from whoever had it. My brother in law ended up with it at the end and was all “HA HA! I WON!” to the other men. Then, he opened it up and saw that it was THE BODY BLADE. He was so pissed. “I THOUGHT IT WAS A FISHING POLE! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN! I DON’T WANT THIS! YOU CAN KEEP IT!”
“Oh hell no!” I said “It’s yours now!”
“But I don’t want it.”
“But you have to take it!”
“Fine.” He said, all angrily. He left shortly after the gift exchange and I can’t tell you how relieved I felt as I watched him walk out of the house with that box in his hand. Iwas so relieved to be rid of that thing I had tried to sell it at yard sales, I even put a “FOR FREE” sign on it once (NO LIE!) and no one would take it. BUT, it wasn’t really gone! Because my Brother in Law didn’t actually take it home with him. Instead, he left the box on the roof of our van.
ASSHOLE! (And I say Asshole with LOVE)
So, unless PigHunter threw it away when we moved, that Rubber Fucker is still collecting dust somewhere in my garage.
The reason that I am telling you about this is because, duuuuuuudes. Jenny is GIVING AWAY A WII CONSOLE AND a copy of Wii Fit!!! All you have to do to be entered to win is to tell her YOUR embarrassing fitness purchase story (either in her comments, which, by the way, ARE HILARIOUS. You must read them! or on your own blog with a link back to her post.) What are you waiting for.. go! Tell her! NOW!
I Am Not Lying When I Say She is Very Dramatic.
Please, do not freak out. This is not going to turn into a “video of my kids” blog. I’m just having a little fun with my new Flip Video Cam (LOVE IT) and the fun will wear off very soon. I have a short attention span. It’s just a phase, people. I’ll be back to complaining about my thyroid in no time! Ha Ha.
Happy Mothers Day, Indeed.
Yesterday, my boys asked if they could spend the night with their uncle. My first reaction was to say “Absolutely not! Tomorrow is Mothers Day! How dare you even THINK about not being here with me on Mother’s Day!” However, not wanting to be the overbearing mother who guilts her children into doing things that would make her happy, I said “yes, of course you may spend the night with your uncle.” I was secretly hoping they had simply forgotten that it was Mother’s Day and once they realized it, they would come to their senses and tell their uncle “Maybe next week. We can’t leave our Mom on Mother’s Day!”
That never happened. They packed their bags and my brother picked them up at 11am.
“Have fun!” I said as I kissed them goodbye. I smiled and waved as I watched them drive away. The smile was a big, fat lie. My feelings were hurt. But, again, maybe they forgot! And I couldn’t possibly hold it against them, especially since I chose not to remind them.
I tried to keep pretending that they simply forget it was Mother’s Day, but curiosity got the best of me. Fifteen minutes into their 30 minute ride to my brother’s house, I called The Teenager’s cell phone.
“Hey… did you forget what tomorrow is?”
“No, Mom. I didn’t forget. It’s Mothers Day!”
“You knew it was Mother’s Day? And chose to spend the night with your uncle anyway? I won’t have my boys here on Mother’s Day? That hurts, Son.”
(So much for not wanting to put guilt trips on my children!)
“Mom… We will be with you in spirit.” The Teenager said in that smart-assed Teenage Tone.
“But I can’t hug your spirit”. I shot back.
He laughed and told me not to worry– they had plans to take me to my favorite restaurant as soon as they came home from church. At that moment, I decided it was time to put the guilt trip to rest and make the best of the situation. “Well, that’s nice. ” I said “I’ll miss you guys.”
I woke up feeling sad that they weren’t here. It’s the first Mothers Day without my boys here and as much as I love LOVE LOVE my daughter, it wasn’t the same without them. I know I’m being Overly Dramatic about it, but I feel that The Dramatics are totally justified in this situation. I got a taste of what it will be like when my children are adults out on their own (and one of my children will be an adult in LESS THAN 3 YEARS) and I don’t like it.
I remember when they would wake up at 5am from excitement of Mothers Day. They would jump into my bed, hug me and kiss me all over while saying “Happy Mothers Day! We got you a present! Dad? Can we give Mom her present?” I’ve always understood that my children won’t be here with me forever– that they’ll grow up, move out, establish (hopefully wonderful) lives of their own. But, to experience my first Mothers Day without them was almost more than my prematurely beating heart could bear. I hated not having them jump in my bed this morning. I hated not being able to hold them close to me and tell them how lucky I felt to be their Mom. But mostly, I hated that I had to feel just a tinge of the emptiness I’m surely to feel when they’re out on their own. Would they forget to call? Would they be too busy “SPENDING THE NIGHT AT THEIR UNCLES” to visit me? And just as I had worked myself into a “My children don’t love me and aren’t ever going to visit me when they are out on their own” sob-fest, the phone rang. It was The Teenager.
“Happy Mothers Day, Mom. I love you.”
“I love you, too, Andrew. And I miss you.”
“I miss you too, Mom. I’ll see you when I get home from church. Here.. Ethan wants to talk to you.”
“Hi, Mom. Happy Mother’s Day.”
“Thank you, Son. I miss you!”
“I miss you too.”
And then he said something I never expected.
“Mom… if you to your computer, open up Word and click on file, you’ll see a document titled “The Perfect Mother.” Open it. I wrote that for you before I left.”
Those words literally took my breath away. My son had thought of me and had left me something so that I knew how much he loved me, even if he wasn’t here with me to tell me in person.
“I’ll go open it right now.” I said, fighting back the Tears of Joy. “Thank you, Son. Thank you so much for thinking of me.”
I hung up the phone and ran to the computer. I opened up Word just as he had instructed me to do and then I saw it. The document titles “The Perfect Mother.” I opened it and this is what I found.
The Perfect Mother
To: the greatest mother
By Ethan
You are so great,
You are very helpful,
You love me dearly,
And you make life joyful.
You encourage me,
You make me happy,
You are very thoughtful,
You make me feel like laughing.
You work so hard,
You work for me,
You’re a hard worker,
And you work for the family.
You drive everywhere,
You drive me to school,
You drive to the store,
But not in a pool!
You can be strict,
But that’s okay,
You are never mean,
And you are always ready to say, “I love you son!”
I love you mom, Happy Mothers Day!!!
That kid.
The sadness that I felt was gone the instant that I read that, because in that moment I understood something wonderful. The love that I have for my children is great. The time that I’ve spent with them means something to them. They know that I love them with every fiber of my being and I need not worry or fret about how it will be when they grow up and move out on their own. They will not forget all of the years that I’ve cared for them and taken care of them. They will remember and will carry it with them no matter where they go. And even if they’re not physically here to tell me jump into my bed and smother me with hugs and kisses, they WILL be here in spirit, just as The Teenager said.
Knowing that I’ve had a positive impact on their life–knowing that they see my imperfections, but don’t hold them against me because they recognize that everything I do for them comes from a place of love, that right there is enough to fill any void I may ever feel when they’re physically not here with me.
That simple poem really helped put things into perspective for me. I will forever be grateful to my Son for taking the time to write it. What I thought was surely to be the Worst Mothers Day ever has turned out to be one of the best I’ve ever had.
(Breakfast courtesy of PigHunter, who totally shocked me by making a breakfast that looked as wonderful as it tasted. Who knew PigHunter could be so creative?)
A Moment of Cute
I think I should send it on a World Tour in which various bloggers photograph themselves wearing it doing various things, like washing their cars! Or Poppin’ And Lockin’! Or having sex!
I was looking for an old journal of mine this morning. I didn’t find it, but I did find my wedding album.
Holy mother of HUGE.
I’ve already written about my wedding before, but I think that I could write about it 100 times and never accurately put into words just how fucking HUGE that wedding was.
It was and will probably always be the Biggest Wedding I’ve ever seen, and I aint talking about the number of guests that were there.
I’m talking about The Size of Everything. Cake? HUGE. My sleeves? HUGE. My bangs: HUGE! My Veil? THE HUGEST VEIL IN THE HISTORY OF WEDDINGS.
I still can’t believe that the people who supposedly “LOVE” me actually let me wear that thing without sitting me down to express concern.
“We know that it’s the biggest, most expensive veil in the store and that it is covered with sweet pearls! And yes, pearls are beautiful! But so is your head, Y! Don’t you want people to see your beautiful head? Also, think of your neck. Do you want to get The Stiff Neck while you’re up there listening to your father’s 3 hour sermon (because you KNOW you’re Dad is going to preach a 3 hour sermon at your wedding, right?) Please, put the pearly veil down for ONE MINUTE and think of your neck. And your head.”
I probably would have worn it anyway, because the crazy woman at the bridal shop had convinced me that it was “the newest, most beautiful veil out there!” and that “all of the brides were buying it!!” But, even still. No one even TRIED to stop me and that hurts a little bit RIGHT HERE.