Pardon me while I ramble.

There are times when I still don’t believe a child is growing inside of me. I “feel” pregnant in some ways, but I can’t get my mind to grasp the fact that there is a baby forming inside of me again. I know it to be true that I’m pregnant, but until I see that little angel on the monitor in the doctors office, I don’t think my mind will accept it.
It’s very bizarre. When I was pregnant with Andrew and Ethan, I couldn’t stop thinking about the miracle of life going on inside of my body. This time around, I struggle to believe it’s really happening to me. I’m not quite sure why that is.
Perhaps it’s because I was planning on the first two, because I desperately wanted to be pregnant. This time, it was such a huge shock. One that left me on the floor, crying hysterically, screaming “NO, this can’t happen!!”
I don’t feel that way anymore, the idea of another child to love makes me extremely happy now that the shock has worn off, but no matter how hard I try, I still can’t believe it’s real.
Weird.
Tony felt the same way, up until about a week ago. Now he can’t stop talking about it. I think he was just scared because of my health, but now that he sees I’m fine, that I’m healthy, and happy, he’s able to relax and revel in it. He keeps telling me how deeply he loves me, how beautiful I am and how I’ve made him the happiest man alive with the news of another child to love. It touches me to the core of my being.
I can’t wait until January 12th, when I see my doctor and he confirms and gives me some kind of proof that my “so called” third child is real.
AHHHHHHHH. I’m going to have 3 kids!?!!
Unfuckingbelievable.