Beat that!

As I was standing in line at Starbucks, I overheard 2 women, (who I am tempted to refer to as “bitches” simply because they, unlike me, did not smell like puke) talking about their jobs.
“I’m so important at my job.blahblahblah. I made a big sale last week blahblahblahfuckingblah.”
It took everything in me to not turn around and interrupt their conversation with the following.
“Oh yeah? Well, 30 minutes ago, I fixed the dishwasher all by myself! WITH A BUTTERKNIFE! UP YOURS!”

38 thoughts on “Beat that!

  1. Amanda

    Why the hell is Starbucks so damned addictive? It’s like crack or something. I went in yesterday (I go daily, sometimes twice a day) and they made my venti, soy white chocolate mocha but they forgot one little thing, the esperesso!!! OMG, it was like a huge cup of super sweet soy milk. *gag* I seriously cried a little bit as I was too late for work to go back. Isn’t that sad? Wonder if there is a support group for us?

  2. Mamacita

    I’ve never been in a Starbucks, but YOUR accomplishment was way more impressive than theirs. Can you come over and fix mine for me? I touched it, and now it’s spitting all over me. And making scary Exorcist noises.

  3. MollieBee

    Ya, my “job” is a joke actually. I’m the filing queen muthafuckas! I put the “ass” in assistant. I’m way prouder of the fact that I can get a psycho toddler in and out of a grocery store in less than 30 mins.

  4. Caitlin

    OK, I’m feeling totally selfish and have a desperate need to use this super-annoying phrase that I can only get out of my head by using it until it makes me want to barf, so I’ll have to admit that you, Miss Maytag, are pretty fucking BADASS.
    God, I’m so sorry.

  5. echo

    Wow ! I didn’t think a butter knife was good for anything. Any more creative uses for it ?

  6. zoie

    delurking to let you know that you make me laugh my ass off. I wish I could fix something! Hell, I wish I could just get my laundry done!

  7. girl

    I have the people at work completely convinced that I’m some sort of computer technician. one of our stupid registers always poops out and the only thing wrong with it is the connection on the touch monitor. the retards I work with haven’t figured this out and I’ve fixed it 5+ times now. they’ll just turn it off instead of trying to fix it. they’ll always come in the next morning and be like, “wow. you fixed it! how’d you do that? you’re so smart!” and I want to respond so badly with, “no, you’re just really dumb!” but instead I just say, “yeah, I know. you’re so lucky to have me around.”
    p.s. and now I really want a skinny iced chai.

  8. Snidget

    I hear you… I’ve said before, I go to work to get some rest. I’m SERIOUS. Being a full time, stay at home, cook, clean, rah rah rah mom… that’s the toughest and most underappreciated job in the universe.

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