On the way to the hospital, my husband said “You have to wait on me hand and foot when I get home.”

“Oh really?” I replied.

“Yes. And you have to bake me cookies and serve them to me on a platter! Look! It shows you right here in the vasectomy handbook.”

Oh, how I laughed, because that? Was hilarious.

Whenever we’d talk about The Vasectomy, he would tell me about his fears. I would listen, then ever so gently remind him about the pain that I endured, three times over, to give him the children he loves so much. (Without an epidural and HELLO? I tore down there and had stitches.)

When he went in on Thursday, I knew he was scared, but when I’d ask him, he’d say “I’m ok, what you went through was SO MUCH WORSE.”

He was being sincere, I know he was, but I couldn’t help but feel like a jerk. Yeah, what I went through was worse but it was unfair of me to diminish what he would be going through just because “MINE HURT WORSE, MAN.”

My husband is admittedly a baby when he’s sick or in any amount of pain and yeah, it’s annoying, but there’s something about seeing him laying there with a bag of frozen peas on his lap that makes me want to take care of him and feel sorry for him and get him whatever his little heart desires. I LOVE that he did this for us, I love that he’s “taking it like a man” (whatever the hell that means) and I love that every time he hurts, he chants “My wife gave birth, my wife gave birth, THIS IS NOTHING, my wife gave birth.”

It kinda makes me want to jump his bones. Except, I am pretty sure that if I did that right now, I may kill him.

So, instead, I do nice things, like go to Barnes and Noble to buy him the latest copy of Shotgun News, let him control the remote, wake up every 2 hours to make sure he’s comfortable. But most importantly?

Day 20: Playing Nurse

I bake him some cookies.

34 thoughts on “COOKAYS!

  1. Linda Merryman

    You’re a good woman! And I can’t help but think that your husband is a good man (procrastinator perhaps, but basically good).
    Thanks for the funny posts. I needed the laugh today.

  2. Beth

    Does the brochure say what *kind* of cookies to make/serve, or does it allow some leeway on this? ;^) And how many days so you have to wait before testing the equipment for residual swimmers?
    Seriously, I think it’s kind of brave of your husband to get elective surgery like that. Sure, childbirth hurts like hell (which I may tell my son someday, like when he’s a teenager and I need, uh, leverage), but by the time I got to the hospital to deliver, it was less “elective” and more “necessary if I was going to remain at all sane.” ;^)

  3. rachel

    it’s too bad we didn’t get that handbook. I never thought to make cookies. Oops.
    My husband rested for a long weekend with lots of frozen peas, and then everything was fine. The worst part was keeping the kids from climbing all over him and stepping on his sensitive parts! (he’s the fun parent)
    I think I’ll make cookies today, just because I didn’t know a couple years ago.

  4. vickie

    see now if that was me i’d have to take that plate of cookies and whap them over that guy’s head because he’s making a water ring on the wooden table with his glass not being on a coaster. Snip or not.
    Not that I’m anal or anything..
    That picture was probably the most hilarious thing i’ve ever seen. Its funnier blown up..
    Vasectomy handbook…that is PRICELESS.

  5. Nina

    Well, that picture of the vasectomy book is enough for me…my husband won’t be getting snipped. The “few days” would turn into the rest of his life. haha
    You’re a good wife. (But secretly you’re probably just day dreaming about when y’all can, you know, do stuff. hehe)

  6. crazyjane

    i don’t know. my husband said it wasn’t so bad. he did take the day off from work, but went back the next day. he also said he could have gone back the same day and been fine. and he is a baby, too. he did say the worst part was the burning smell when they cauterized ‘it’ but it wasn’t especially painful. i wonder if it’s possible he’s milking this? oh, and by the way, make sure he gets the tests to make sure it worked! my neighbor and my brother in law both had to have thiers repeated because it didn’t take!! can you belive that it has been reported that most guys don’t get those tests done?!? WTF???

  7. Annika

    I love your marriage. Most couples I know would not be laughing about this (and girl, it is funny!) and that makes me sad. It is so obvious that you two think the world of each other and that makes me happy.

  8. xtx

    yer a sweet ass wife with a sweet ass husband! i can’t beleive he finally went thru with it. i think you owe him a “kiss to make it better” once the swelling goes away…heh! yay pighunter!

  9. Kyla

    OMG. “Nursing The Sac”…that has to be the funniest thing I’ve ever read…what a visual. *lol*
    I hope he and he boys are feeling better soon. 🙂

  10. Lana

    Wow, vasectomy posts bring back memories of when my husband had it done. It was cheaper for my Hubby to get the snip, rather than I. OMG, was my husband the biggest ass baby that ever lived. I nursed him and weight on him and and foot for an entire week. After the week…I was like “Get your own beer!” Hahaha…
    Your Husband will be good as new in no time. It takes about a week.

  11. Helen

    I did pretty much nothing for my poor husband, he recovered incredibly quickly. Cookies? Ha ha..imagine! He did mention his stitches for a while, 2 years I think……still ddn’t get cookies though.

  12. MsShad

    Dani, your fiance had sex 10 hours later? The way you phrase it, it sounds like he had it before he knew you, cause you didn’t say “we had sex 10 hours after his vasectomy”.
    So maybe he’s exaggerating? Men sometimes do that when it comes to their penis’s…

  13. Edie

    That picture cracks me up. “Sorry about your nuts honey, have a cookie!”
    If only the man in the recliner had a sack of frozen peas.

  14. stepmomof2

    I’m glad everything went well. You are such a good wife for making cookies and taking care of him. I will try to follow in your footsteps when my husband has his vasectomy reversed in December. I totally understand your decision. You have a beautiful family and don’t need to have to worry all the time about getting pregnant. I just want the chance to have at least one child with my husband after that who knows. He has already said there was no way he would have a vasectomy again after having it reversed and I don’t blame him, lol.

  15. hed

    That is just so sweet! I actually cried, not that I’ve got any post partum hormonal stuff going on or anything =-). Seriously though. So sweet! You guys are lucky to be together, for obvious reasons!

  16. Dani

    Yep I’m 100% serious. We went out with a bunch of folks to a celebration dinner, and went back to their house. We’re way too old for this, but it turned into a makeout party, and sex was had! 10 hours later! No problems! Had sex the next day too. He likes to brag about the day to get “man points”.

  17. Me

    SOMEBODY is too busy with the boinking to even update us on Pighunter’s status or check email.
    Hhhhhmmmmmmm. Betcha they tried Dani’s suggestion.

  18. rsm

    The Stepford Wives have converted you. I’m scared now that sparks are going to start shooting from your neck and your head will spontaneously spin off… It should make for some interesting aerobic dancing moves, though.

  19. wordnerd

    What a sweet post! However, this whole thing is going to drastically and dramatically change what I believe to be the best sidebar profile in the history of sidebar profiles. Better make it funny, Y, because we expect that.
    We’re just that *way*.

  20. Susan

    I did not bake my husband cookies when he had The Proceedure. Instead, I accidentally tossed his Percocet in the trash.
    Hoo, that was funny. Sort of.

  21. Anon.

    I want to know where the handbook is for my husband for after I give birth…it damn well better include some cookies and hard alcohol!! I’ve already told him I expect him to be smuggling champagne in after our babe arrives. Someone mentioned to me today that they golfed the afternoon that their first daughter was born — I DON’T THINK SO!!

Comments are closed.