My Avon lady representative just asked me if I’d like to have an in home Avon party. I was about to say “yes” when she had to add that she “gives people a foot bath in a tub with marbles.”
Ok. NO. I had enough of “foot washing” as a child. And besides, that’s just GROSS. I love my friends, but I sure as hell am NOT going to stick my feet in a bucket that their feet were just in.

I am getting OLD.
Last night, Tony asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I didn’t even have to think about it, I blurted out…
“I WANT A SEWING MACHINE!.
He was a little surprised because normally, I’d say “I don’t want any gifts, just take me out to go dancing and buy me lots of liquor!” ( well, I used to ask for a cash register, but I gave up that dream a loooooong time ago) But because he’s old too, he was only surprised for a few seconds, then he got all excited “Really? A sewing machine? So you can make curtains and stuff?”
“Well, actually, I was thinking more along the lines of making myself really sexy aprons and pot holders, but YEAH, I’LL MAKE CURTAINS TOO!”
Next thing you know, I’ll be making quilts and going to women’s bible study on Tuesday mornings.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
(and I’m totally serious, I really do want a sewing machine. And I think after 24 hours of labor with my daughter, I’m ENTITLED to one!)

I was trying to think of how to put into words just how tired I am. There are no words.
But there’s things one does when this tired that paints a picture without having to use words. Like, when ones upper left ass cheek itches, and they stick their finger up their nose to scratch it.
Now I have a bloody nose and my ass still itches.

This isn’t for money, just for fun, and if you’re right, you get to gloat all about it in the comments.
Let’s bet on what day y is going to go into labor. Starting from today, the 29th, leading up to the 5th of August (if she hasn’t had Gabby yet, she’ll be induced on the 4th, but remember, labor could go on into the 5th. or maybe not.) All I know is that I’m taking this way too seriously.
My bet: Sunday, August 1st (i’m a dumbass).

-Melly

GOOD AFTERNOON, EVERYONE!!
No baby yet, but THAT’S TOTALLY OK WITH ME!

You won’t hear me complaining, oh no. I wouldn’t want to DEPRESS YOU!

So what if I can’t sleep at night! WHO NEEDS SLEEP ANYWAY! Not being able to sleep is AWESOME!

I have been skipping around the house today, not even CARING or WORRYING about when she’ll come because I’M JUST HAPPY TO BE ALIVE!
Just call me chipper, call me perky, call me totally NOT depressing, because I live to MAKE EVERYONE*drew*HAPPY!

So HAPPY FREAKING WEDNESDAY, people.

My doggies are gone.
Both of them.
They’ve gotten out before, but we always find them wandering around the ‘hood. We’ve looked for over an hour and can’t find them anywhere.
I’ll be heartbroken if they don’t come back, mostly for my boys because my boys LOVE those dogs and will miss them terribly.

Stupid dogs!

When one has hemmoroids, the term “bubble butt” takes on a WHOLE new meaning and just isn’t quite as funny.

My feet are purring.
I went last night and had a one hour spa pedicure. It was pure heaven.
The vibrating chair. Uh, I want one.
I had her paint my nails pink, of course.
The only thing I didn’t like was that the lady kept talking to me. I didn’t want to talk! I wanted to close my eyes and relax! Eventually, I closed my eyes, and started moaning. That shut her up.

It’s amazing what a little attention to the feet can do for a girl.

I’d like to introduce the newest member of our family

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