Category Archives: Weight/body image

Nothing like a good nights sleep and some celebrity boxing to make a girl feel better.

Last night was the first time since giving birth to Gabby that I actually got some sleep. She woke up 3 times last night and went to sleep each time after her feeding. I feel so much better today just from getting that sleep!!
Now, if I could only STOP SWEATING!! Oh my God. It’s disgusting, yet strangely, I don’t mind because I know I’ll lose a few pounds from it. My feet almost look normal again. I’m sure that has something to do with all of this sweat! I still can’t fit in most of my shoes, but if the sweat keeps up at this pace, I’ll fit in them in no time.
The one thing I don’t think I’ll be fitting into any time soon is my bra. Sweet Jesus, I have no moved up to a E CUP, people. I might be happy about this, except for the fact I have a Q SIZED ASS to match! Oh, and they hurt like a hell and milk is constantly squirting out of them.  The bulging veins alone are enough to make anyone dry heave. And no, I still do not know how much they weigh.

Eating for two.

I had to go to the district office this morning to take care of some health insurance business. As I was walking down the hall, I could feel my ass moving and shaking and I thought to myself, “My ass has evolved into it’s own person.”
I do believe my ass needs it’s own name and social security number. I imagine as I’m walking, the people behind me are waving at it, winking at it, maybe laughing at it or flipping it off, or perhaps they’re thinking “Damn, ass, you need to lose some weight, it’s not good for your heart to be that big.”
I believe it has it’s even got its own personality. It’s carefree and likes to live life on the edge. It has good days and bad days. It has feelings.
My ass. The individual.
I really need to give it a name.
Sunshine?
“Good morning, Sunshine.”
Yeah, I like that.

Fat sucks.

If I wasn’t fat, I’d go to the beach today and enjoy the sunshine and the cool breeze.
If I wasn’t fat, I’d go shopping and buy myself some sundresses, shorts and tank tops.
If I wasn’t fat I’d buy season passes to Raging waters.
If I wasn’t fat, I’d go to a spa and have my body rubbed down with salt scrub and get a full body massage.
If I wasn’t fat I’d call friends and go dancing tonight.
If I wasn’t fat, I’d enjoy my life so much more.
It’s my fault I’m this way, milkshakes are good but they’re the reason I am not going to enjoy my summer.
Why the hell won’t I stop putting that kind of shit into my body and eat what’s good for me so I can be comfortable and healthy again?
I weigh as much now as I did when I was 9 months pregnant. You’d think that would stop me from making milkshakes, but it doesn’t…
I’ve thought about having my jaw wired shut, but I could still drink milkshakes, so what would be the point?
Weight issues suck. I’ve always had them, but I’ve never let myself get this heavy, ever. I’d always do something drastic, like starve myself or take laxatives, as soon as I’d put on a few pounds. But I have no desire to do those kinds of things now.

naked

i stand in front of the mirror, naked.
i cringe at what i see.
my body is worn and torn,
the marks from carrying a child ever present.
my breasts, once perfectly shaped and beautiful
are now large and saggy, repulsive to look at.
my stomach, once flat and smooth,
is now covered with stretch marks, fat, no muscle tone.
i am ashamed.
i will never be beautiful again.
but today i tell myself, although it is hard to look at and it is indeed ugly, it is a reminder that two amazing human beings were formed inside of me and those marks and stretched out skin are proof that life grew inside of me. it is a reminder i made love to a man i adore, life was created and my body was home to those beautiful babies for 9 months. my stomach was stretched as they grew, my breast were enlarged with the milk that would sustain them for the first months of their lives. it takes my breath away when i think back to having them inside of me, to the miracle of their births, seeing them for the first time and it makes it easier to accept the mess my body has become. looking at them, kissing them, i say these marks on my body were a small price to pay for the amazing gift that grew inside of me for 9 months and have filled my life with love and purpose everyday since they were born.
i may be ugly, my body repulsive to look at
but i am a mother
and i am blessed.