Last night, I returned home from a 5 day trip to New Orleans just a little bit after midnight. The kids were all fast asleep in their beds. That didn’t stop me from heading to each of their rooms to see their most beautiful faces. I tried to wake Gabby up, because she had made me promise to wake her up when I got home. She wouldn’t budge. So, I kissed her forehead and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water before I went to bed.
At the edge of the sofa, I noticed a piece of paper covered in familiar hand writing. I picked it up and began to read.
I can’t stop looking at your fase. How precious, I thought to myself.
I turned the piece of paper over to see if she had written on the other side.
She kept that photo close to her while I was gone because she missed me. She couldn’t stop looking at my face.
It feels good to be loved like that.
Today after work I surprised my boys and took them to a little place called Art Attack. It’s a great little place where you can take kids to paint ceramic pieces. You pick the piece you want, then there’s a little room in the back with all the paint and supplies you need.
It took my boys a few minutes to decide on the piece they wanted but they finally decided on these cute little fish. They let you eat and drink in their while you’re painting, so about 15 minutes into painting, they were dying of thirst. Of course, I didn’t have any cash ( I never carry it) so we had to leave our stuff there, find an atm and get something to eat and drink. We grabbed some hot dogs and cokes at a little deli and headed back to finish painting.
Andrew and Ethan both took the painting very seriously. I had the best time watching them take their time, choosing which colors they wanted to use. I loved how they would ask me for advice on which color I thought they should use and how every 5 minutes they would turn to me and ask me if I liked it or if I thought they were doing a good job.
It’s the simple things like this that I love about being the mother of these two amazing little boys. I watched them take these plain white, little ceramic fish, with no color, no personality. With every stroke of the brush, they were making it their very own little masterpiece, adding their favorite colors and with each stroke it became a little more beautiful and unique. I thought of how being a parent is kind of like that. You are blessed with these little creatures, they come into your life and each day, like the stroke of the brush adding paint to the ceremic, you help form the unique individual this child will become. You instill the values that you hold dear, yet try to teach them to be their own person. It’s a beautiful thing watching these little babies, grow into beautiful, colorful human beings who bring joy and laughter to your life and to so many others.
Anyway, they have to fire and glaze their pieces so we won’t get them back until Friday. I’ll be sure to take some pictures to show off what great painters my boys are!
i stand in front of the mirror, naked.
i cringe at what i see.
my body is worn and torn,
the marks from carrying a child ever present.
my breasts, once perfectly shaped and beautiful
are now large and saggy, repulsive to look at.
my stomach, once flat and smooth,
is now covered with stretch marks, fat, no muscle tone.
i am ashamed.
i will never be beautiful again.
but today i tell myself, although it is hard to look at and it is indeed ugly, it is a reminder that two amazing human beings were formed inside of me and those marks and stretched out skin are proof that life grew inside of me. it is a reminder i made love to a man i adore, life was created and my body was home to those beautiful babies for 9 months. my stomach was stretched as they grew, my breast were enlarged with the milk that would sustain them for the first months of their lives. it takes my breath away when i think back to having them inside of me, to the miracle of their births, seeing them for the first time and it makes it easier to accept the mess my body has become. looking at them, kissing them, i say these marks on my body were a small price to pay for the amazing gift that grew inside of me for 9 months and have filled my life with love and purpose everyday since they were born.
i may be ugly, my body repulsive to look at
but i am a mother
and i am blessed.