My daughter is always singing. Sometimes she sings Weezer, or Hannah Montana. Sometime she sings Raffi or Yo Gabba Gabba. A lot of times she sings songs that she makes up, usually about her friends and how she “doesn’t even care what you think, cause we’re just gonna play all day.”
For the past few days, she’s been singing songs about God. And it’s breaking my heart a little that she doesn’t know “real” songs about God and Jesus because we don’t go to church. But that’s a post for another day. Yesterday she sang a song that went a little something like this,”I love God and I love Jesus. I love Heaven and Jesus and God and God and Jesus and Heaven.”
All. Day. Long.
Last night, she asked if I thought God would like that song.
“Of course he does.”
“Will you record me singing it?”
“Sure I will!”
“And can you upload it and send it to God?”
Ha Ha. Children of “Digital Moms!”
As I was dressing her this morning, she continued with her God songfest. And this is the song she just sang. And I am still laughing.
“I love God with my heart.
I love him with my art.
I love him with my dart.
I love him with my POP tart.
And I love him with my fart.
I can’t lie. I was totally proud of her rhyming skills, but I also felt like I needed to explain to her that she should never include the word “fart” in a song about The Almighty. Because, although I’m sure God has a sense of humor, Pastor Grandpa? Not so much about those kind of things.
An Afternoon Walk, Purple Edition
I wrote this instead of writing a response because I really don’t WANT to tell my doctor to SUCK ON THIS.
For the past month, I’ve not felt well physically or emotionally. A few of the symptoms that I had before I begin taking my thyroid medication are acting up again. The main symptom that is giving me the most trouble is fatigue. The simplest tasks are sucking the life out of me and it’s taking a toll in the form of depression and CRYING!ABOUT!EVERYTHING!
I emailed my doctor and asked him for a TSH test, because fatigue is always the number one symptom for me that things are out of whack.
The test came back in the normal range. However, it had tripled since the last time we took it for months. I got an email from him that said “TSH is in the normal range.”
So, I wrote back with the following message:
4/26/09 12:18 PM
I have a question for you. Does the fact that it’s tripled since the last test mean anything? Because I’ve been feeling very tired again (I hadn’t felt that way for a while) And if it doesn’t mean anything now, does the fact the the TSH is going up mean I should best tested again soon?
The endo had said I need to be under 2 because I don’t feel good at ALL if it’s more than that, so if it’s on it’s way up, I’d like to be tested again soon if I continue feeling this way.
Your advice is appreciated.
I received the following message from him just now:
est was normal TSH 04/24/2009
Tsh will fluctuate over time.
No concern – no need to repeat .
Levels normal.
That may sound reasonable to you, but.. couple of things.
This is the same doctor that told me I had normal TSH levels for almost 2 years, not taking into consideration all of my symptoms. Also, not taking into consideration that I had tested positive for the TPO antibody (which meant that I had Hashimoto’s.)
“It’s stress!”
“Get on the treadmill!”
“You lose hair as you age!”
“Try Weight Watchers!”
“it’s anxiety!”
Those are all things I was told when I mentioned that I thought I was hypothyroid. And when I finally convinced him to test me again. WHOOPS! What do you know! You have an autoimmune disease that is killing your thyroid! (Also: And I QUOTE “Congratulations! You get to take thyroid medication now.”)
The point is this. I have symptoms that warrant a better response than “your numbers are normal, get over it.” I’ve been dealing with this for a long time now. I know my body. I know when things aren’t right. And the proof is in the fact that the ONLY reason I was ever diagnosed with Hashimoto’s is because I persisted even after he told me I was “fine” and just needed “a good weight loss pill.”
My endocrinologist isn’t much better, although I do give him credit for agreeing to keep my TSH on the low side of the normal range.
My point is that my doctor is blowing me off, yet again, telling me that my numbers are number with ZERO concern about my symptoms. And it makes me so angry that I could punch the whole world in the vagina.
Edited to add:
I know, SWITCH DOCTORS ALREADY, right?
Here’s the thing. I have an HMO. It’s not as easy as just switching doctors. And I can’t afford to pay for a doctor out of pocket. Also? I have an endocrinologist, but guess what? He sent me the following email in October:
“Ms. Y- good news! Your most recent thyroid test was completely normal. I recommend that you continue the current dose. You should now have a thyroid test done approximately once a year, which can be done by your primary MD.”
THAT is why I’m seeing my family doctor again. Because that’s how my HMO works. I mean, don’t you think if it were as easy as “getting another doctor” I would do it? It’s complicated, hence my frustration with the situation. Further complicating the situation is that he’s been a great doctor in every other circumstance, especially with my children. I mean, overall, I think he’s a great doctor. Just not when it comes to my thyroid. So, again. Complicated.
Matchbox Do DO DOOOO
Is there anything funnier than kids singing songs that they don’t know the words to? Besides kids doing jumping jacks?
I don’t think that there is.
I have amazing videos of my boys singing to Backstreet boys and N’Sync when they were little dudes. (Lucky for them, those are still on VHS-c tapes. Must get them converted to dvds STAT!) I remember when they’d perform for me, I’d fight back the laughter as I wondered to myself “what do they think this song means? Because those are not actual words!” My daughter has started doing the same thing with songs that I love and it is THE sweetest, most adorable, most hilarious thing in my life right now.
Because, seriously.
THIS.
Little Moments I Never Want to Forget
Not like anything you’ve ever read here before. (jajaja)
I have a confession.
I’ve not been to the gym since writing this post. I know that was not very smart health wise, but mentally, I needed the break.
So I just stopped.
I was overwhelmed with what feels like a losing battle. I was frustrated beyond all words. Did you know that I was having the EXACT SAME STRUGGLE with this last year at almost the exact same time?
This is what I wrote on April 23 of last year.
July 2006 (after having lost 70-ish pounds following the birth of my 3rd child)
April 2008 (4 months after finally being diagnosed with Hashimotos, even though I told my doctor and anyone who would listen to me that there was something wrong with my thyroid a year and a half ago.)
I can’t even begin to express how frightening that number is to me, nor can I express how depressed I am after doing a little research on “how to lose weight with Hashimoto’s.”
(You can read the rest of the post here.)
Here I am, a year later, facing the exact same problem (and also the exact same weight. Minus one pound.)
An entire year with no change, no matter how hard I’ve tried. No matter how many trips I’ve made to the gym or how many mother effing Weight Watchers points I’ve counted. No amount of positive thinking or attitude adjustments can change the fact that this shit is frustrating.
ALL CAPS FRUSTATING, even.
However, this is how I see it now that I’ve had a few weeks away from the gym. I have two choices in this situation. Give up entirely or dust myself off and try again.
I’ve decided on the latter.
EVEN IF I never lose another pound. EVEN IF I am this size forever. EVEN IF.
So, I will be back in the gym (Rumba!) tonight. And starting on Saturday, I’ll be back in Weight Watcher meetings. I do believe there are things that I can do different, things I’ve not yet tried, that can be helpful. I’m going to explore the other options, like, you know, riding a bike! I don’t know, something. I need to shake my routine up, for sure.
I have decided I’m going to actively blog my weight journey on this blog again. I had to close down the weight loss blog because a full time job + 3 kids + 1 horn-ay husband + a dog = only time for 1 blog and even then, not really time for 1 blog.
My hope is that next year, when I read back on this entry, I will be able to say “I’m so glad I didn’t give up.” because I will be healthier, stronger and happier.
.
Hem THIS.
My daughter has had a bit of a growth spurt recently. She’s still a short little thing, but some of her jeans are suddenly looking a little questionable in the length. So, to avoid her getting teased in preschool for wearing “high waters” (Kids, these days.) I decided it was time to get rid of the jeans.
As I was stacking the clothes into little storage box, I had an amazing idea. One that would save us money! Because it’s a recession! I was all “I’ll just cut these jeans and turn them into shorts!”
I cut coupons, why not cut my daughter’s jeans?
Logical, yes?
There were only two possible problems.
1. The only thing that I have ever sewn in my entire life is potholders made from my Grandma’s material scraps.
2. I do not own a sewing machine.
But who needs a sewing machine when one has a sewing kit in a bag that one bought at Target on clearance for $4.99?
If thine can thread a needle, thine can turn jeans into shorts. (I learned that from The Bible. Of FRUGALITY.)
I was very confident I could do this and make it look good. So, I laid the jeans on the floor and began to cut. I did my best to make sure the cuts were straight and even. (Keep in mind that “my best” probably equals “your worst” when it comes to cutting things. See: This Post.) After I finished cutting the jeans, I threaded the needle and began to “sew” away. I can’t lie, I was totally excited about a)my desire to do something so “homemaker-y” b) saving a little money on buying new shorts for my daughter I even had a blog post in mind titled something like “Y’s guide to save money on back to school shopping. FRUGALITY RULEZ!”
But about 8 stitches in I realized I couldn’t sew a straight hemline. Nor could I space the stitches out properly. The vision I had in my head of a slightly flawed, yet well done hemline started to look a little bit like this:
But I kept going. I started this bitch, I was going to finish it.
It only took me about 30 minutes and 67 bad words to finish. And in the end, I had a cute little pair of shorts.
A cute little pair of shorts with an effed up hemline that she can’t wear anywhere in public.
Which, fine. Whatever. PLAY SHORTS!
I’d love to hear any stories you have of “frugal gone wrong.” I mean, I’m not the only one who fails hard at these kind of things, right?
Yesterday, I was touched by an Angel
Yesterday, I joined a group of people for the March of Dimes to walk in honor of Maddie.I almost didn’t make it, because I almost stayed in bed. I was sick, fatigued and woe is me! I have a disease!
Yesterday, I walked alongside a women who is going through treatment for cancer. Brain cancer. And yet, she was there, walking 3 miles to support a friend in need. To honor a baby she loved.
Yesterday, I was reminded that life is bigger than myself and my own feelings, problems.
Yesterday, I was inspired to be a better friend, a better mother, a better partner.
Yesterday, I was reminded how precious life is and how quickly it can be taken away.
Yesterday, I knew it was time I changed the way the way that I live my life, no longer seeing things through my own selfish eyes, but trying to see it through that of others.
Yesterday, I saw in action the true meaning of love and friendship and I have been forever changed. And those are not just empty words that I am typing.
Thank you for that, sweet Maddie. Thank you.
[vent]
Several weeks ago, it contracted a virus from some whore of a site. It was bad for a few days, but I did everything I could to try to clean things up and get it running normally again. I thought I had succeeded as things seemed to running fine again.
However, the other day when I turned things on, and tried to log into windows, it booted me off. I was all “huh. WEIRD.” So, I tried again. The same thing happened. It would start to load my settings, then it would be all “saving settings. Logging off.”
I was all “oh! I’ll just reboot in safe mode!” Because safe mode solves EVERY PROBLEM!
Except, not this time. It did the exact same thing in safe mode.
And that is when panic set in because I have photos to download! And documents to scan! And the boys have homework that needs printed!
I mentioned it on Twitter the other day and everyone was all “just put in the recovery CD and fix it that way!” And I would totally do that IF I COULD FIND THE RECOVERY CD. Last night I found every single CD that came with the computer EXCEPT FOR the recovery CD. I mean, of course I can’t find the one CD that I need! Why would something ever be that easy for me?
The good news is that when I got the virus, I was worried that something like this would happen, so I created a Carbonite account and had all of my files backed up. The bad news is… I can’t restore them to my laptop (it’s for work) so um, even though they are safe, I CAN’T ACCESS THEM. Nor can I access the programs I have installed to download, view and edit photos. Needless to day, I’M ALL TWITCHY AND SHIT. Am calling dell customer service as soon as I publish this. HOLD ME.
[/vent]
Edited to add:
Quite a few people have said “This is why you need a Mac! This wouldn’t happen with a Mac!” I have no idea what makes that statement true, as I know nothing about Macs, so anyone out there care to give me your thoughts on Mac -vs- PC and why one is better than the other?
Adding this to the list of reasons The Middle Child is THE BEST.
Him: Can u pick me up?
Me: take the bus, please.
Him: Fine! Let me burn!