My son came home from college for the weekend and is distraught to find that there is no food in the fridge.
“You promised you’d have food when I came home!”
Well, son, you promised you would “clean your room” every day of your childhood and maybe did it 10 times.
I was driving Andrew and his friend home from drama rehearsal. On a sidewalk of a busy street, there was a man wearing a Statue of Liberty costume, advertising a tax preparation service. I honked and did a little Upper Body Dance. Made the dude’s day, you guys.
My son turned to his friend and said “I’m sorry you had to see that.”
The both started laughing. I was all “Hey, that guy LOVED IT. Nothing wrong with my moves.”
That reminded my son of a story.
“Oh my God, Steven, want to hear the most embarrassing moment of my life?”
I expected him to tell a story about a time he tried to do a slick dance move in front of a girl and failed. Or something like that.
“We were at Kam’s birthday party. All of my friends were trying to get Tyler to do The Dougie. One of my friends pulled his car up to the house, turned his radio on really loud and we all went outside to see if we could get Tyler to do it. Tyler refused to do it, but guess who went right into the middle of the circle and started trying to do it? MY MOM.. Everyone was laughing and cheering. Meanwhile, me and Ethan were standing there, mortified.”
My son’s most embarrassing moment of his life, brought to you by me, his mom.
I can’t figure out if this means I win or lose at parenting teenagers.
But I can’t lie, I feel like a winner.
We’re all sitting in the family room watching America’s Funniest Home Videos. There was a clip of a little boy taking the bra off of a mannequin. My boys went crazy, they screamed and were laughing so hard they couldn’t breathe.
After they finished laughing, I asked them “why do boys like boobies so much?”
Ethan (HE’S FIVE) says “because they’re just so sexxxxay.”
Andrew: Because they’re so big.
Ethan: Big and juicy.
Ethan: Oh yeah and don’t forget because they’re so jiggly.
We were laughing so hard, then I farted and they all stopped laughing and told me that I was so gross.
Excuse me, *I’m* gross? you guys are the ones talking about jiggly, juicy boobs.
Today after work I surprised my boys and took them to a little place called Art Attack. It’s a great little place where you can take kids to paint ceramic pieces. You pick the piece you want, then there’s a little room in the back with all the paint and supplies you need.
It took my boys a few minutes to decide on the piece they wanted but they finally decided on these cute little fish. They let you eat and drink in their while you’re painting, so about 15 minutes into painting, they were dying of thirst. Of course, I didn’t have any cash ( I never carry it) so we had to leave our stuff there, find an atm and get something to eat and drink. We grabbed some hot dogs and cokes at a little deli and headed back to finish painting.
Andrew and Ethan both took the painting very seriously. I had the best time watching them take their time, choosing which colors they wanted to use. I loved how they would ask me for advice on which color I thought they should use and how every 5 minutes they would turn to me and ask me if I liked it or if I thought they were doing a good job.
It’s the simple things like this that I love about being the mother of these two amazing little boys. I watched them take these plain white, little ceramic fish, with no color, no personality. With every stroke of the brush, they were making it their very own little masterpiece, adding their favorite colors and with each stroke it became a little more beautiful and unique. I thought of how being a parent is kind of like that. You are blessed with these little creatures, they come into your life and each day, like the stroke of the brush adding paint to the ceremic, you help form the unique individual this child will become. You instill the values that you hold dear, yet try to teach them to be their own person. It’s a beautiful thing watching these little babies, grow into beautiful, colorful human beings who bring joy and laughter to your life and to so many others.
Anyway, they have to fire and glaze their pieces so we won’t get them back until Friday. I’ll be sure to take some pictures to show off what great painters my boys are!
ethan: mommy, come wipe my butt
me: how about you wipe your own butt?
ethan: but mommy, i can’t i went diarrhea
me: (to the person i was talking to on the phone) oh god, trish, hold on i have to wipe an ass.
ethan: mommy, would you please stop saying A.S.S.?
ethan:*holding up monopoly money* this is real money, ya know?
me: no it’s not ethan
ethan: yes it is mommy, the only difference is there are no faces on it but it’s real.
me: no, baby, it’s play money
ethan:(angrily) NO IT’S REAL AND I’M GONNA BUY SOMETHING FROM THE ICE CREAM MAN!
me: oh reeeeeeeeeeeeeally?
me: ok, you go ahead and do that.
is it wrong that i can’t wait for the ice cream man to come so i can see the look on his face when he tries to buy something with his fake dollar bills?