Tag Archives: parenting humor

Sex and Blankets and Awkward Conversations With Teenagers.

As I began making my bed, my son Ethan walked into the room.
“Need some help, Mom?” He asked.
“Sure.” I responded.
He walked over to the other side of my bed and began to help me make the bed.
(Confession: I’ve had the same blanket on my bed for twenty years. I’ve purchased other blankets, but this particular blanket is amazing. My husband bought it in Tijuana just before we got married. It is ugly– it’s brown and has an image of a giant tiger on it (I KNOW, I KNOW. )–but it is soft, it’s warm, it’s basically the best blanket ever made.)
“I love this blanket, Mom!” Ethan said, as we straightened it out.
I then went on to tell the story about how old it is and how much I love it and how I’ve tried to part with it many times, but can’t seem to let it go.
“I plan on getting a new comforter soon and when I do, I will let you have it. Do you want it?”
“Yes!” He said, all excitedly.
Then he paused, his facial expression went from Pure Joy to Kind of Disgusted.
“Oh, maybe not. This is the blanket you and Dad have made love on for twenty years.”
“ETHAN MICHAEL!” I proclaimed, while not making eye contact.
“It’s true, Mom!” He said, as he laughed at my discomfort with the words he was saying.
In my mind, I was all “flip it around on him! Make HIM uncomfortable! Say something like ‘damn right! lots of Jesus Approved Sex has happened all up on that blanket!” But I just couldn’t do it.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about! You guys were all adopted!”
He laughed, rolled his eyes and walked out of the room to tell his brother about our conversation.
Talking about sex in general with my kids? Easy.
Admitting, discussing that I have sex with their dad? Not so much.

Teach M(om)e How to Dougie

I was driving Andrew and his friend home from drama rehearsal. On a sidewalk of a busy street, there was a man wearing a Statue of Liberty costume, advertising a tax preparation service. I honked and did a little Upper Body Dance. Made the dude’s day, you guys.
My son turned to his friend and said “I’m sorry you had to see that.”
The both started laughing. I was all “Hey, that guy LOVED IT. Nothing wrong with my moves.”
That reminded my son of a story.
“Oh my God, Steven, want to hear the most embarrassing moment of my life?”
I expected him to tell a story about a time he tried to do a slick dance move in front of a girl and failed. Or something like that.
But, no.
“We were at Kam’s birthday party. All of my friends were trying to get Tyler to do The Dougie. One of my friends pulled his car up to the house, turned his radio on really loud and we all went outside to see if we could get Tyler to do it. Tyler refused to do it, but guess who went right into the middle of the circle and started trying to do it? MY MOM.. Everyone was laughing and cheering. Meanwhile, me and Ethan were standing there, mortified.”
My son’s most embarrassing moment of his life, brought to you by me, his mom.
I can’t figure out if this means I win or lose at parenting teenagers.
But I can’t lie, I feel like a winner.