Last month, Lands’ End sent me a free swimsuit. The only thing I was asked in return was to take a photo of myself in that swimsuit and to post that photo on Curvy Girl Guide as a part of National Swimsuit Confidence Week. However, I loved the suit so much, I wanted to tell you about it.
I usually buy swimsuits from places like Target or Kohls or anywhere I can a) find one that covers my thighs b) doesn’t cost a lot of money. Last summer, I found this one. It’s cute, yes? But, here’s the thing. It did not have good support in The Boob Department. When you have Big (saggy) Boobs, it is important that one’s swimsuit has proper support. That is where the Land’s End suit completely won me over.(The same can be said for the belly area, which is another probably area for me.) It held the boobs, it lifted and separated the boobs and most importantly, it kept the boobs in place. (I jumped up and down to test it. Scientific testing at it’s finest!) Before having actually tried this swimsuit on, I most likely would not have felt comfortable spending $109 (now $89.00!) on it. However, after wearing (jumping) in it and feeling the difference from the suit I wore last summer, I think it’s worth every penny. And from what I’ve heard from friends and readers who wear Land’s End suits, this one will last longer than one summer.
Now, look. I know my body isn’t perfect. I know you see the cellulite, the lumps, the chunk. I have spent many summers hiding those legs. I spent summer after summer denying myself fun (trips to the beach, swimming with friends, etc) because of the shame I felt about my body. Last summer was the first time in years that I bought and wore a swimsuit and I did it for my children, especially for my daughter. How could I teach her to love herself, to live life to the fullest and enjoy every minute when I was letting fear and shame keep me from enjoying MY life? This year, I chose to put on this swimsuit and be a part of National Swimsuit Confidence Week for myself. I may not be entirely happy with my body, but I most certainly will not spend another summer feeling ashamed of it.
I want to thank Lands’ End for letting me be a part this amazing project. I can only hope that doing this helps other women in some small way to be confident with who they are and the body that they live in.
(Lands’ End has created a “Swimsuit Confidence Week” photo album on their Facebook page. Go look, go like, so support the women who were brave enough to be a part of this!)
Graduation Night.
Last night was an amazing experience.
I expected to cry a lot. I expected to be an emotional wreck. And sure enough, as soon as we pulled into the stadium parking lot, I began to cry. “I can’t believe this is happening.” I said. “Are you crying already, Mom?” My Ethan asked, in a Very Annoyed Tone.
We got out of the car and grabbed our things while Andrew adjusted his tie and put on his cap and gown. I watched him as he made sure everything looked just right. I hugged him before we left to get in line. “Enjoy yourself, Son. Cherish this moment.”
When we entered the stadium, I grabbed a bunch of tissue and stuffed it in my purse. I wanted to be properly prepared for The Ugly Cry.
The proud parents, patiently waiting for the ceremony to start.
The ceremony started. I waited to see my son walking to his seat. “There he is!” I shouted. We all started screaming his name. “Andrew! ANDREW!” We waved and waited for him to look our way. (He never looked our way.)
I didn’t cry.
I asked my mother in law if I could borrow her binoculars so I could watch him as we waited for everyone to be seated. I wanted to see his face. I found him in the crowd. He had the biggest smile on his face which was exactly what I was hoping to see. I felt overwhelmed with pride.
I didn’t cry.
The ceremony started. The principal spoke. The kids cheered. One of the students gave her speech. The kids cheered. Then, they said they were going to begin announcing the names of the graduates. Everyone cheered.
I didn’t cry.
I waited patiently while they called names. When it was time for my son’s row to stand up, I ran downstairs to get a better view for a photo. I saw him in line. I screamed his name, jumped up and down and waved. He saw me, smiled as big as he ever has and waved back.
I didn’t cry.
The women with the microphone in her hand announced his name. I zoomed in and took a shot of his sweet face. I screamed his name. “Andrew! ANDREW! ANNNNDREW!” I wanted him to look my way, I wanted him to wave so I could get a shot of how proud he was. I screamed some more. He never did look my way.
I didn’t cry.
The kids turned their tassels, threw their hats in the air while we clapped and cheered wildly for our boy. I watched and laughed as the graduates went crazy on the field. I thought back to the day I graduated– it was the most thrilling moment in my life. I felt so blessed to be there watching my son experiencing that milestone in his life.
I didn’t cry.
Today, as I reflect on last night, I feel incredibly proud of my son. He had some struggles during his high school journey and there were times I didn’t think he was going to make it. But he pulled through in a big way and HE DID IT.
This morning, I asked him how he felt the day after graduation.
“I feel good.”
“Are you proud of yourself?”
“Yeah, I am, Mom.” He smiled.
“You should be, son. You worked hard and I’m proud of you.” I replied.
“Thanks, Mom.”
I walked out of his room. Closed the door, went into the bathroom, took a deep breath.
And then, I cried.
This is Happening Today
I opened his closet, looking for his cap and gown. That’s where he told me he had put it.
It wasn’t there.
I searched through each piece of clothing hanging up. It wasn’t there.
I looked through the clothes piled on the closet floor.
It wasn’t there.
My heart started to pound. I started to panic.
I sent him a text message.
“Where is your cap and gown? It’s not in your closet!”
He replied right away.
“No, it’s hanging up on my guitar hook.”
In my panic, I hadn’t even noticed it hanging on his wall, right next to his bed.
I looked at it, hanging there, imagining him wearing it.
Tears started flowing and they have yet to cease falling from my eyes.
I will get through this. It will be exciting and I will be so proud.
I am so proud.
I’m Proud of Us.
I may not be in NYC this week, but I am still participating in Swimsuit Confidence Week over at Curvy Girl Guide.
This Week. Man.
I’m looking forward to the coming week but at the same time, I’m dreading it.
It’s going to be one filled with milestones for my children. There will be ceremonies. Parties. Grad night. Trips to amusement parks.
This is one of the most thrilling, exciting times for my oldest child.
This one of the most emotionally challenging times for me as his mother.
Monday: The last day my oldest child will ever attend high school. The day Ethan will take his last field trip as an 8th grader.
Tuesday: Andrew’s Senior Breakfast in the morning. Andrew’s high school graduation in the evening. (Hold me. Tell me it’s going to be okay.)
Wednesday: Andrew will graduate from Law Enforcement Academy. He will graduate as a Sargent.
Thursday: Ethan’s promotion from junior high to high school ceremony. Gabby will celebrate her last day of 1st grade and officially be a 2nd grader. Later that evening, Andrew will be boarding a bus for Grad night at Six Flags.
Friday: I lay in bed and wonder DID ALL OF THESE THINGS REALLY HAPPEN? What happened to my little babies? WHY IS TIME SUCH AN ASSHOLE?
Saturday: It’s party time. Graduation party time.
My brain hurts just thinking about how much there is to do, how many tears will be shed, how much rejoicing is to be had. How much everything is about to change.
I’ve been thinking of all of the ways that life will be different after this week– In little ways. In big ways. While I was doing laundry this morning, I realized that this summer, I will only be school shopping for two kids instead of three. It’s these little realizations that hurt the heart.
In spite of the sadness that I feel, there is great joy bubbling deep within and I know that it will rise to the surface as I hear my son’s name called on graduation day.
I just hope I get through this week. It’s going to take a lot of coffee and possibly quite a few glasses of wine.
Braids
My daughter has the most beautiful hair.
It is thick, with shiny, golden highlights that sparkle in the sun. And it is long. So very long. (It almost touches her little booty.)
Last night, she asked if I would braid it so that her hair would be curly in the morning. I was THRILLED to do it because she rarely lets me braid her hair. (She hates braids for some weird reason.) I did two French braids as tightly as I could just before she went to bed.
This morning, she ran into my room and shouted “Mommy! Can I take out my braids now to see how curly it is?” She was so excited to see her pretty curls.
I carefully took out each braid and ran my fingers through her thick, wavy locks of hair. As soon as I was finished, she ran to her room to look at herself in the mirror.
She gasped.
“Oh my Gosh! My hair looks exactly like Taylor Swift’s hair!” She exclaimed, proudly.
I have a feeling I’m going to be braiding her hair every night for a while.
Facebook Killed the Blog
I have a friend named Lindsay.
Lindsay is a blogger. A very successful blogger.
Lindsay is not only my friend in real life, but also my friend on Facebook.
Sometimes, when I write a funny story about my life on Facebook, Lindsay will leave the following comment.
“This is going to make a GREAT blog post!”
And every time Lindsay leaves that comment, I laugh because I know what Lindsay really means is “stop posting these stories on Facebook and start blogging again!”
She’s right. I have been using Facebook to share my life instead of writing about it on my blog. On Facebook, I can share the stories that I feel are worth sharing without having to spend a great deal of time (or thought) writing it out.
Here’s the thing– I love Facebook (you’re laughing, aren’t you?) I have reconnected with amazing people from my past (Sixth Grade Love of My Life) but more importantly, it’s allowed me to reconnect with people whom I love– family, friends– but had lost touch with over the years. It’s also a place where I can interact with people during the day. I work from home and am alone and online all day. It can be very isolating at times. It’s nice to have a tool like Facebook, where I can get some kind of ADULT HUMAN INTERACTION during the day. But as much as I love Facebook, it’s becoming very clear to me that it’s made me a really shitty writer/blogger.
The next time I want to tell a story on Facebook, I’m going to log into this here blog, put some time and thought into it and create a mofo blog post instead.
Lindsay will be so proud.
Their Mama
The Senior
In just nineteen days, my first born son will graduate from high school.
(If he passes English, but that’s another story for another day OH MY GOD THE STRESS.)
I am in awe of how quickly the years have passed and how quickly the day is drawing near. I have nineteen days to create a scrapbook that will tell the story of eighteen of the most wonderful years of my life with that boy, that young man.. Nineteen more days to prepare myself both emotionally and mentally for the moment when they call my son’s name and he walks across that stage to receive his high school diploma. I imagine I’ll stand up and scream something like “SO PROUD OF YOU, ANDREW!”. And then I’ll sit down and burst into tears of joy. Tears of Sadness. Tears of relief.
Nineteen more days.
When people tell you to cherish each moment with your children because “they grow up so fast!”
Believe them.
Now I Know What it Means To Miss New Orleans
It’s a new day.
I’m still disappointment with the way things turned out. I still feel a little bit sick to my stomach about losing out on such a fantastic opportunity. But the tears have been replaced with appreciation for all that is good in my life– a loving family, loyal friends, a great job, improving health.
And chocolate milkshakes from Chick-Fil-A. THE BEST.
Life goes on and life is good.
Moving right along...
Last month I had the chance to visit New Orleans for the very first time. Whoa. That city. THAT CITY. It is so Mind-Blowing-Amazing.
My first experience in New Orleans involved a drive-thru from which we ordered DAIQUIRIS. As in the alcoholic beverage. I couldn’t believe what was happening. I was all “You guys! My mind is blown! Did you know that my mind is blown? Because my mind is blown!”
It only got better from there.
Our hotel was literally just around the corner from Bourbon Street. I was so excited about being there, I didn’t even wash up or put on something cute to wear– I just wanted to get out of that hotel and experience this place. Just a little bit after landing I found myself with good friends eating delicious food on a balcony on Bourbon Street.
After dinner, I learned how to play the spoons from a perverted old man who stood behind me and said things like “keep going as long as it feels good.”
And then, there was dancing. In clubs. In bars. In the streets. . So! Much! Dancing!
I do believe I had to be physically pulled away from the music because I could not stop dancing the entire time I was there.
Nor, could I stop eating. I ate so many good things- like bread pudding. Stuffed shrimp, broccoli with the most amazing cheese sauce I have ever tasted.
Oh, beignets. Can we talk about beignets? And how WONDERFULLY DELICIOUS they are? And about how much I loved them.
I was there for five days, and that just wasn’t enough. I want to go back to experience the city more fully. There were so many things I wanted to do that I didn’t have time to do. I hope that I have the chance to go back very soon.
I miss you, New Orleans. And my mouth misses your beignets.
Full set of photos: