Category Archives: Blogging

Subliminal messages, part 2.

So, it looks like Dooce Kicked my ass. Was there any doubt she would? Of course there wasn’t!
The internet will not let Dooce lose!
I’m tempted to start “Help me beat Dooce at the last minute” campaign, but I’m thinking that’ll come off as a little “desperate”. But, man, that would be funny. (Was that a hint? Or was that a hint? )
But I have to thank y’all for not letting me finish last! (But seriously, “blog awards” are silly and but, um, “beating Dooce”? Not so silly. I CAN NOT HELP IT THAT I AM COMPETETIVE. I WAS BORN THIS WAY.)

Vote for Y

When I was in the sixth grade, I ran for Student Council.
I wanted to be the 6th grade class secretary, because I wanted to change people’s lives. Please, Do not under estimate the power of “taking minutes”.
Back then, I didn’t have the self confidence issues I have today. Infact? I thought I was The Shit. I really and truly did. I didn’t think for one minute that I’d lose. I was YVONNE! People liked me! Because I was funny and man, could I sing. (And strum a mean guitar, but now, I’m just bragging.)
I had a plan to win! I was going to have the BEST CAMPAIGN SIGNS IN THE HISTORY OF CENTRAL SCHOOL ELEMENTARY ELECTIONS.
I had the “good” poster board, you know, the really thick kind? And I had glitter! And puffy paint! And SHARPIES!
There was only one problem. A very BIG problem.
Nothing rhymes with my name. And in order to have the greatest campaign sign EVER, you must have a cool slogan that rhymes with your name.
I ended up having to settle with stupid signs that were not great at all.
“Vote Yvonne for class secretary!”
I figured I could make up for the fact that my slogan SUCKED by writing the greatest SPEECH ever. And I did, and I won.
If only I had had a friend like Melly in elementary school, because, if I had, she would have informed me that there actually was a phrase that rhymed with my name and man, was it hot.

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Respect… my parenting

Preface:I wasn’t going to say anything because, I blog for me! and Blog awards make me say the “F” word alot because people get all CRAAAZY n’shit, but, then, it hit me that “Oh my God, I could end up in last place and that would be really embarassing and so, I better at least mention it so that doesn’t happen!!” so…um, yeah…
Look! Thanks to Gennie, I’m a Finalist for a weblog award.
Ha! Ha! Ha! It’s funny to me for several reasons. a)I’m nominated for a “parenting blog”. I mean, I am a parent, but I don’t consider this a “parenting blog.” I mean, I talk about my vagina and my Boobs! But occassionally, I do talk about my great parenting skills, you know, like teaching my daughter to fart on command, so, I guess in a really sick way, I just may fit in to that category. b) Someone had to go and nominate Dooce (link not necessary because EVERYONE IN THE WORLD KNOWS DOOCE.) Does anyone have a chance against her? I think not. Because The Internet loves Dooce. The Internet worships Dooce and The Internet will make SURE that Dooce wins. c) Um, I’m totally going to be in last place and that’s going to be a little embarassing. But who knows, maybe Melly comes through for me the I DID FOR HER WHEN SHE WAS UP FOR AN AWARD.
I don’t care if I win or lose, it’s just a silly award that will not make me rich, nor famous, nor a better parent, but, I just don’t want to be in last place. I mean, when I was voted Second SEXIEST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD! (ha! ha! haaa! I “went there” And you will respect My Sexy because The Internet declared me so!) I was ok with not being first, because I WASN’T LAST!
But seriously, folks, I really don’t want to end up in last place, so my campaign will not be about “winning”, but, rather, “please, vote for me so I don’t come in last place!”
(But? If I do come in last place? I’m totally going to pretend like it doesn’t bother me at all and like “I’m glad I didn’t come in first and that I was last because in heaven? The first shall be last, so BOOYAH!”)
p.s. Vegas was fun. I want to tell you all about it, and I will, but first, I must deal with The Dramatics (courtesy of DramaQueen herself, of course.)

Move along, nothing to see here.

Today, I broke a rule I made to myself. The rule of not engaging in “Drama”

I singled someone out, not because they didn’t kiss my ass, because I the tone of their comments touched a nerve.
I tried to email this person privately, but what do you know? fake email address.
I’m sensitive when it comes to my daughter and while I don’t think she had bad intentions with her original comment, the fact that she kept going and the fact that she insulted me about using “proper birth control” pissed me off and I acted on it without thinking.
I do NOT ban people who disagree with me. I had to ask a friend HOW to do it, infact. I only banned her because she was stalking my blog, and it creeped me out. (yeah, I can see how long you’re hanging around and how many times you’ve viewed my blog. 59 in 72 minutes? DAYUM)
I am sorry if I was harsh on Katie, that I singled her out and that it came to what it did. I really am. And I love that Mieke called me out on it. Yeah, it’s my blog and I can say or do whatever I want, but this is NOT what I wanted.
All I wanted to do was write a post about how totally in LOVE with my daughter I am.
That’s why I felt justified in writing what I did, because what I wrote wasn’t up for debate, it was me, simply stating my enormous love for my daughter.
I love Mieke and the fact that she’s completely honest with me. What she said made me think. I should have just let it go and let Katie be.
websol.jpg
I’m sorry. And with a spray of The ‘Sol, I’m done.

Please?

::UPDATE:: I’m going to leave this entry up top all weekend long because I want SO BADLY to help Chasmyn be able to have the ultrasound done. She did not ask me to do this. I WANT to do this. Thank you in advance.
A few days ago I read this entry on Chasmyns blog. Because I love her so much, I immediately wrote to Elaine asking what the surprise was and how I could be apart of it. I recieved this response… (and she spilled the beans to Chasmyn, so I’m not giving away any secrets here)

Hi! As you may know, she and her husband do not yet
have insurance. So we are trying to surpise them and
help raise money toward the Level 2 ultrasound. This
test is preformed at 21 weeks and can detect if this
baby has the same heart defect as Quinn. WE are
accepting donantions in any amount. Everything helps
as the test is $800. All of those who are interested
will get an email in the next week to week 1/2 giving
them the paypal account info to send donations to. We
are trying to reach her doctor to help us arrange
this. Thanks for being interested and concerned!

I knew immediately I wanted to help. And I wanted to get as many people as possible to help as well. I have been forever touched by Quinn’s story. No mother should ever have to suffer through that kinds of heartache.
I would do anything to help give Chasmyn peace of mind during this pregnancy. I hope that this test will do that and I want to do my part to raise money to make sure that she can have it done. I’m hoping I can count on YOUR help as well. People were so kind and generous to me during my pregnancy with Gabby, I can only hope we can do the same for Chasmyn and her husband.
If you’d like to help, email me or leave a comment here and I’ll give you the paypal info. You can also email Elaine (her email address is in the post I linked).
(Chasmyn doesn’t know I’m posting this. I hope not to embarrass her in anyway by doing so. I just want to help her in anyway I can, because she deserves it. I love you, Chasmyn)

I can only hope it’s just “a phase”

I’ve recieved several concerned emails over the past few days, the emails basically contain the following questions.
“Hi, Y. Where are you? Why haven’t you been updating your blog?”
Well, because…

Basically, my daughter has decided to cease taking naps during the day. She’ll fall asleep when I nurse her, but as soon as I lay her down and walk out of the room? That happens. And what does “that” have to do with me not blogging? Well, the only time I feel ok with sitting at this computer is when she’s sleeping. Because they’re only little once and I refuse to sit in front of this stupid thing while that beautiful little girl is awake and we could be having fun together.
HOWEVER. I look forward to her nap time, so I can check my email (only after I scrub the house clean, of course!), read blogs, pay bills (No! SERIOUSLY! I’m in LOVE with online banking) etc. But she’s just decided she’s SO over naps.
“Close your eyes and go back to sleep!” I say to her.
“Are you talkin to me?” She says.

“I KNOW YOU AINT TALKIN’ TO ME! You’re trippin, woman. I LAUGH at naps!”
Then I cry a little, pick her up, dry my tears and proceed to “our spot” on the living room floor where we giggle and pass gas together.
So, there you have it. “The Reason.”

With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you

Back in October, I dumped my old blog (but I renewed the domain because hell no I wasn’t going to let someone else have it) I couldn’t think of a new domain name. Eventually, I picked this one and OH, how Melly laughed at me and called me CHEESY for picking this name and I fully admitted that it was PURE CHEESE. In a way, it was a relief to own my cheese.

Being able to be free with my cheese has been GREAT FUN and I love that anytime I want to write something all cheesy like, I can just go on with my big, bad greasy ball O’cheese self and people don’t blink twice because this is Joy Unexpected… WHAT DID YOU EXPECT TO READ HERE?
And the great part is, even though I went all cheesy on your ass, I still totally talk about vaginas and farting (with my daughter) and tittymilk and all that good stuff, but if I want to write about my unexpected joy? I can because Hello? It’s the title of this blog! DUH.
I just wasted all of that time writing that so I could unload the biggest brick of cheese I’ve ever unloaded on you.
Ready?
I LOVE the comments you people leave here on my Blog Of Cheddah! That’s right, I LOVE you mother fuckers. (And don’t get all pissed because I called you mother fuckers, I need to maintain a little bit of “street credibility”. Besides, when I say “mother fuckers” I mean “blogging brothers and sisters”, ok? Also, I don’t mean I ‘LOVE’ love, I mean, blog love, so please don’t fall in real love with me and stalk me)
I mean, I really LOVE what you people have to say.
Let me give you a few examples of why I’m totally in love with you people.
“If I saw someone that I knew from their blog, I’d pee on their shoes.”– Melly.
“dude. in a pinch, you should just wipe some pine-sol around the house. you don’t actually have to clean with it… just make everything smell like pine. because, for most people, pine smell = clean. –Mikey
“I love bitches and whores.” –Sphinxy
“Yeah well screw the duct tape, I’d have been throwing it across the room like I was a contestant in a midget tossing contest.” – Janis
“Reading between the lines…
Did you just tell me to fuck myself? In a way that I look forward to it?
You are SUCH a diplomat!” – Ben
I could go on and on and on, but I won’t. At least not tonight because I’m tired and I have to poop. But maybe I’ll continue with the “I love you, man” cheese tomorrow and I’ll declare tomorrow “HONOR THY PEOPLE WHO LEAVE COMMENTS THAT MAKE ME LAUGH DAY!
Seriously though, I love you guys, and I am so relieved I was finally able to just open up and tell you that.